Remember Goosebumps? Those "scary" kids' books from back in the day? I was always curious to what those books were like, but I wasn't able to read them thanks to my Accelerated Reader (remember that?!) reading level being too high (Instead, I got to read boring books like Treasure Island. That's not sarcasm, either, as I hated that book as a kid.). Also, the covers of these books always scared me for some reason. I remember that sometimes I'd see them at a store, and try to avoid them, but eventually I'd just end up staring at them from afar due to curiosity...

Anyway, like I said, I never got to read these books, so I never knew how scary they were. So much later in life, I caught the Goosebumps TV show on Cartoon Network...man...they were terrible thanks to terrible acting and ridiculous stories. But still, I wanted to know what the books were like. Well now I do, thanks to Blogger Beware: The Goosebumps Blog!

This site summarizes the many Goosebumps stories, while also providing humorous commentary. This crap isn't scary at all! But it's hilarious to read about it, and the guy behind this blog is a genius. Seriously, I spent at least three straight hours reading this site. So entertaining. Check it out.

Here's an example of how this stuff goes down:

#04 Say Cheese and Die!

Questionable Parenting:
Greg's dad almost kills his entire family by not paying attention to the road, then harps on them for complaining. But he's earned that attitude. After all, he's driving A NEW STATION WAGON, MOTHER****ER!

Crimes Against Fashion Alert:
Proving that RL Stine should never be allowed to dress a child, Shari appears at various intervals in the book sporting a yellow jumper, various shades of leggings, and crimped hair. Did Stine learn everything he knew about how kids dressed from Square Pegs?

Vague Word Choice So As Not To Infringe On Name Brands Alert:
Greg's brother works at Dairy Freeze, the group of friends follows the adventures of a gang of superhero mutants known as the X-Force, and since Polaroid is a name-brand, the camera is described in excessive detail as a self-developing camera.

Memorable Cliffhanger Chapter Ending:
There are some all-time stupid ones in this book, but I'd be bereft in my duty if I didn't report on:
Ch. 9/10:
Greg's brother wants to know... ARE THERE ANY MORE POTATOES?

Great Prose Alert:
"His hand trembling, his mouth hanging open in disbelief, Greg goggled at the photo."
That's not a typo, he goggled.

Also, reading some summaries of this guy's top-ten best Goosebump books have also shown me that R.L. Stine actually wrote a few legitimately good stories every once in a while. It's quite surprising.