Jessica just told me I was being mean to her.

WTF? That couldn't be further from the truth. I try my hardest NOT to be mean to her, but she's mean to me all the fucking time. But I can't tell her that she's being mean, or that'll mean I'm being mean, and that'll make her angry. -_-

I was so worried about making her mad, that everytime I made a sarcastic statement, I typed in parenthesis "(I'm kidding. I'm not really mad.)" I even explained to her that my famouse ">=[" face is just a joke.

And, of course, she doesn't remember these things, or she probably never even paid attenttion the statements in the first place, 'cause I use them again in a recent conversation, and she accuses me of bitching.

10/8/2006		12:10:14 PM		Alfredo		Jessica		You'll spend money on Hello Kitty underwear, but not a webcam. >=[
10/8/2006		12:10:24 PM		Jessica		Alfredo		i don't want or need a webycam
10/8/2006		12:11:38 PM		Alfredo		Jessica		You don't need Hello Kitty underwear.
10/8/2006		12:11:56 PM		Jessica		Alfredo		uh huh they're comfy
10/8/2006		12:12:03 PM		Alfredo		Jessica		Bah, whatever.
10/8/2006		12:14:13 PM		Alfredo		Jessica		I'm gonna go play Battlefield. BBL.
10/8/2006		12:14:35 PM		Jessica		Alfredo		whaat
10/8/2006		12:14:40 PM		Jessica		Alfredo		you were gonna ready my paper
10/8/2006		12:17:37 PM		Jessica		Alfredo		i swear your so mean most of the time

I used the ">=[" face, so I was OBVIOUSLY joking about the whole thing. Then I give her ample time to talk to me (2 minutes) before leaving to play Battlefield. Now she gets all mad at me, but I don't know, 'cause i'm busy loading up Battlefield. She had 2 minutes to say "Wait" or something like that. But you know what's really fucked up? SHE DOES THIS TO ME ALL THE TIME. I'm talking to her, then out of nowhere she says, "I'm gonna go play WoW" then signs off or switches to busy immediately afterwards. -_-

She acts like I said I was gonna read her paper instead.

10/8/2006		12:06:47 PM		Jessica		Alfredo		you wann read what i got so far?
10/8/2006		12:07:38 PM		Alfredo		Jessica		Maybe later.

I specifically said I might read it later. I think it's more mean that she expects me to stop what I'm doing and read her paper. Normally, I'd do that, just to appease her, but I wanted to do my own thing. Oh, that was a bad idea, right? Living my own life? Pshh.

Then I explain to her that I wasn't trying to be mean. I say stuff like there was not any negative feeling in my heart towards her when I said those things, which is true. But she doesn't seem responsive to my pleading. She's obviously not listening. That's really rude, you know? Some one's pouring their heart out to you, but they don't give a shit.

Alfredo said:
And you just signed off again.

Jessica says (12:57 PM):
yeah cos this weird dude was talkin to me

Alfredo says (12:57 PM):
Oh...I thought you were mad at me.

Jessica says (12:57 PM):
no

Alfredo says (12:57 PM):
So you signed off.

Alfredo says (12:58 PM):
See, it's things like that!

Jessica says (12:58 PM):
yup

Alfredo says (12:58 PM):
...

And she doesn't even apologize. And I can't tell her that because she'll get mad at me again. Jessica is so unfair! ...yet I can't tell her that either! This is so frustrating...and I can't make it right 'cause I care so much about Jessica's "happiness." Lame. Lame. Lame.

And I have to hide this blog entry so she doesn't read it. I want to type it out to let other people know what I'm feeling.

I remember that there was once a time when I could be honest with Jessica. I guess that time is long gone.