iJar

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Welcome Back "Crappy Life and Depression"!

8:50 PM

Actually, no. I don't wanna be like this again, but nooo, my dad refuses to stay out of my life now. He's trying to hide it behind the fact that my mom is ill, but just because she's ill doesn't mean I need my computer and TV removed from my room. If he wants to solve problems, he should try and avoid obstacles (like pisssing me off all the time) instead of making a lot of new ones. Seriously, he told me that he wants to take my TV and computer out of my room because I'm up past midnight and I don't wake up earlier than 7:30 AM. WTF? WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO BE DOING PRIOR TO 7:30 AM!? He and my sisters are already up by then, but I have another hour until school starts for me. I have NOTHING to do that early in the morning other than take a shower and get dressed, which usually leaves me an extra 30 minutes of doing...well...NOTHING. My computer and TV have nothing to do with this crap. He must think all I do is play on this thing, but I think I work more than play. Would you call spending 3 hours messing with style sheets in order to create good-looking site layout playing? How about 6 hours of transcoding videos. This crap takes time and I'm not exactly having the time of my life doing it, but I'm learning, damn it. I haven't touched a computer game in almost a week! Oh, I pity those who understand so little. Computer = work.

Also, there's other crap that he goes on about, stuff that I can't even remember now, because it's stupid. He tells me to clean my room. Hmm, I'm guessing that it's pretty obvious that he hasn't even looked in my room, considering I cleaned it last weekend. He's acting like I haven't tried to take responsibility for things, basically ignoring the last weekend where I was alone and the house is still standing. And he says I need to take initiative, and do things myself, and offer help to people because I shouldn't receive help if I don't give. What if I don't want help? He keeps telling me to not cook, because he has no confidence in me, and he tells me to mooch off of other people instead. WTF? That's like the complete opposite of what he's telling me.

Yeah, my dad is really pissing me off. It seems like he's taking advantage of my mother's illness to be a jerk again.

I know my mom is in the hospital, and I know that she's going to need help, but I don't want her to become one of those stupid bed-ridden parents who don't do anything anymore. I understand that she'll be less active, but I'm not suddenly going to take over ALL her chores and make her sit in bed doing nothing all day. I don't think she wants that, either. I don't think she wants to be reminded of her illness. I'm not saying this because I'm laying, I'm saying this because I actually think about what she might want. If I were in her shoes, I wouldn't want to feel helpless. My dad seems like he's totally ignoring my mom's feeling, saying stuff like, "She's says she can do this, but let's not let her."

Whatever. I'm pissed off again, 'cause my dad is bitching at me for taking naps during the day...when I was younger, he'd bitch at me for not taking naps. WTF, make up your damn mind!